Postpartum Wellness Tips. You Will Worry, but it Doesn't Mean You’re Doing it Wrong.
Authors: Drs. Gillian Potter & Kerri Ritchie, Psychologists
Being a new parent can be exciting, exhausting, happy and difficult all at once. Change is everywhere, not just in your schedule, but also in your mind and body. These changes can often lead to increased stress, and in severe cases, depression and/or anxiety. So how can you maintain postpartum wellness for yourself, while also caring for a new baby(ies)?
Parents, you are not alone. There are resources available to help you during this time of change in your life. This article lists some of these resources, and offers coping strategies to help you prioritize your mental and physical wellbeing during this time.
Every new parent’s experience is different. Some may have very few difficult emotions, while others will have many. Your life circumstances are unique, as is the way you react to change. There are several factors that may influence how you react to being a new parent, and you are not doing it wrong if you have a different experience than someone else.
To some new parents, their identity, or who they saw themselves as in the past, has drastically changed. And getting familiar with this new normal can take time and energy--things many parents don’t have in large supply.
Stress of being a new parent
There are many sources of stress for parents, whether this is their first child or not. Keeping up with the household chores, finances, social and family obligations and other time demands can all be sources of stress. Even if we view something as positive, our body still feels the impact of stress.
Changes in the body can affect how parents cope with that stress. The person who gives birth, in particular experience changes in hormones – either due to changes after pregnancy or due to getting less sleep - that affect stress. Changes in the body can cause higher levels of stress and anxiety, lower mood, and difficulty concentrating and remembering information.
Each of these changes can cause new parents more stress and challenges as they try to balance everything in their lives, along with their new baby(ies). As a result, stress-relieving strategies that worked for you before the baby(ies) arrived may not work for you now.
Your identity
Babies don't come with instructions. It takes time to get to know their cues, and many new parents are surrounded by people who happily give advice on everything, whether parents asked for it or not. In the face of this advice, some parents may question if they have what it takes to be a good parent.
The age of social media can add pressure on parents too. Parents may feel that they have to present themselves as having everything together all the time. Some new parents can feel isolated and like they are not measuring up.
At the same time, parents have less time to keep up with relationships, hobbies, personal goals or other aspects of their lives. This can result in parents feeling a sense of loss when it comes to familiar or valued parts of who they are, which can influence their postpartum wellness.
To some new parents, their identity, or who they saw themselves as in the past, has drastically changed. And getting familiar with this new normal can take time and energy--things many parents don’t have in large supply.
Sleep
The last thing a new parent wants to hear is “you should be sleeping more.”
Sleep is often tough to get as a new parent. You’re adapting to the sleep schedule of a new baby, while trying to manage all the other aspects of your life. Everyone’s schedule, experience and abilities are different. So, it’s important to do what works best for you and your life.
However, prioritizing your sleep is one of the best things you can do to prepare yourself for all the mental and physical changes that come with being a new parent.
How to prioritize sleep may look different for each person. Maybe you catch up on sleep when your baby is sleeping, but maybe that doesn’t work for you. Maybe you and your partner take turns doing the bulk of the overnight care whenever possible, or maybe you enlist the help of a family member.
Regardless of what the solution looks like for you, it’s important to try and find a way to work your own sleep into this new schedule, however you are able to do that.
If you’re concerned about your current mental state as a new parent, a good starting point is to rate your mood from 0 to 10 (0 is low and 10 is high). If your mood is 4 or lower for two weeks, regardless of your sleep or how well your baby is doing, it's time to check in with your family doctor.
Check in on yourself
It's natural for new parents to experience decreased mood and increased stress and anxiety during these times. If you’re concerned about your current mental state as a new parent, a good starting point is to rate your mood from 0 to 10 (0 is low and 10 is high). If your mood is 4 or lower, for two weeks, regardless of your sleep or how well your baby is doing, it's time to check in with your family doctor.
The same applies to anxiety. Rate your anxiety from 0 to 10 (0 is low and 10 is high). If your anxiety is 8 or higher, for two weeks, regardless of your sleep or how well your baby is doing, it's (again) time to check in with your family doctor.
How to maintain postpartum wellness
Strategies can help you assess and cope with feelings that come during this time of change, or give you clues that it is time for you to contact a health-care provider.
Some of these strategies include:
Breathe: Concentrate on your breathing. It decreases anxiety and can increase mood by hacking directly into your nervous system. Breathing decreases the intensity of emotional experiences.
Unhook from unhelpful thoughts: Notice your thoughts by trying to step back from them and watch the thoughts as they come, without judgement. This can help you see your thoughts more objectively.
Surf emotions: Use your imagination to picture your emotion as a wave allows the emotion to rise and fall in its natural rhythm. Use your breath as a surf board to ride it out rather than to try to push it away or hang onto it. Alternately put on music that has a soothing rhythm to you and try to breathe to the music.
Prepare: Find books, blogs or posts that normalize your experience, and provide helpful information, ideas, and tips that work for you, your family and your value system. This helps to increase comfort and confidence in parenting. For the things you can control, feeling informed closes the adjustment gap in new experiences. There are many different ways to parent well.
Manage expectations: Try not to compare yourself to other parents, but rather focus on learning from their experiences as you shape your parenting style.
Take breaks: Build in time to return to some of the activities that are most important to you. Even if you have less time, there is still a benefit to maintaining a connection with yourself. Sometimes it will be for the basics (e.g. sleeping, showers/baths). Other times it could be watching your favourite show, working out, or seeing your friends.
Find support: Find sources of support that feel helpful and wanted. This could mean joining a new baby group when feeling isolated or giving yourself permission to set boundaries and ask for what you need. We all benefit from different things.
It’s important to contact your doctor if you are experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety and these strategies do not make a difference.
More helpful resources
There are several resources available to new parents, either online or in our community.
Here are just a few:
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